Reflective moments after a long week
Somehow, after a long and tiring week, I feel exhausted. Yet, I am thinking about times when I was busier and seemed to make it through. I don’t know where this is coming from, but there it is.
Ever since I went to university I wondered, “Was this the best time in my life?” Most people’s university career is where they learn about themselves, grow as people, meet their spouses, or just find their path. I keep reflecting on to what things I gained in my academic career. I know I gained things, but it doesn’t seem like the best time in my life.
I was constantly tired, stressed about everything, broke, and no social life. Is that good? I don’t really consider it to be. I had good moments of course, but in 8 years, you would have to make moments, or go crazy. Some friends may say it didn’t work…
Why all this reflection after almost 2 years out? The alumni newsletter… I look through it and think, “Is this the school I went to?” I look at the proud alumni and how they love their alma mater. I really couldn’t care. What is the difference between their time there and mine? Did I not use the time there to improve my mind and receive skills to give me more, to give the world more? I think I spent my time very efficiently. So, why don’t I feel “attached” to the experience? I just feel like one of the faceless, nameless, have fallen through the cracks people.
I know my life is better now and I have better jobs, but that isn’t really the question.
The question is, “Why didn’t I feel part of the process?” It makes me wonder if that is how most of my life has been. Just the actions without the attachment to the feelings and moments. I guess that is what reflection does to you.
Ever since I went to university I wondered, “Was this the best time in my life?” Most people’s university career is where they learn about themselves, grow as people, meet their spouses, or just find their path. I keep reflecting on to what things I gained in my academic career. I know I gained things, but it doesn’t seem like the best time in my life.
I was constantly tired, stressed about everything, broke, and no social life. Is that good? I don’t really consider it to be. I had good moments of course, but in 8 years, you would have to make moments, or go crazy. Some friends may say it didn’t work…
Why all this reflection after almost 2 years out? The alumni newsletter… I look through it and think, “Is this the school I went to?” I look at the proud alumni and how they love their alma mater. I really couldn’t care. What is the difference between their time there and mine? Did I not use the time there to improve my mind and receive skills to give me more, to give the world more? I think I spent my time very efficiently. So, why don’t I feel “attached” to the experience? I just feel like one of the faceless, nameless, have fallen through the cracks people.
I know my life is better now and I have better jobs, but that isn’t really the question.
The question is, “Why didn’t I feel part of the process?” It makes me wonder if that is how most of my life has been. Just the actions without the attachment to the feelings and moments. I guess that is what reflection does to you.
posted by wthenrest | 9:01 AM
2 Comments:
hmmm, i guess i would have to ask, where is the passion for what you were doing? if you don't feel passionate about what you're doing it would indeed fall flat, and be nameless
To rekindle one's passion might mean... finding something else to be passionate about.
I discovered only this year that by expanding my fields of interest, that which I found dull and routine was no longer so because it was now one of many things instead of one of a very few.
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