I don't run, I walk. I don't eat, I dine. I don't rest, I luxuriate. I don't eat worms ,but I do eat snails.For everything I don't do, I do twice as much.

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Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Nothing is too profound to think about. Most things are too shallow to say. If people did more than what they say, more things would be accomplished- peace

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Fear or Respect?? tell me...

Can someone name all these dic-tators...?

Here is a good forum topic for the blogosphere. Is respect and fear integrated or mutually exclusive? Can there be a combination of both? Can you have them both?

This was a topic that a friend of mine and I got on to when we were talking about discipline in the classroom. My idea of respect is a more idealized version of treating others well. If you treat them as important and needed then they should do the same in return.

Well, teaching a bunch of 16 –18 year olds, THAT goes right out the window. I needed a new strategy. I talked to my friend (also a teacher), and said person, suggested a more dictator like approach. He said, “Fear will make them do what you want.” Well, something like that anyway. That is what I ‘heard’ OK.

At first I buckled. “I can’t possibly do that! It is against everything passive in my personality!”, I thought. What about mutual respect and teaching these kids a different perspective?

I kept thinking about this topic because he was convinced that he had both fear and respect from his students. As I wound myself up to walk into the chaos of this hormonal class, I was still thinking about it.

After 15 minutes of not have order or attention, my inner dictator made an appearance. Lo and behold, I got attention. I still don’t know about the respect part, but the hell with that if I actually can get through the lesson plan. So much for idealism!

I can see why some animals eat their young…

Saturday, September 23, 2006

my fall trees

ahhh the beauty of Autumn!! If you don't love the cold... you gotta love the color!! Posted by Picasa

Reflective moments after a long week

Somehow, after a long and tiring week, I feel exhausted. Yet, I am thinking about times when I was busier and seemed to make it through. I don’t know where this is coming from, but there it is.

Ever since I went to university I wondered, “Was this the best time in my life?” Most people’s university career is where they learn about themselves, grow as people, meet their spouses, or just find their path. I keep reflecting on to what things I gained in my academic career. I know I gained things, but it doesn’t seem like the best time in my life.
I was constantly tired, stressed about everything, broke, and no social life. Is that good? I don’t really consider it to be. I had good moments of course, but in 8 years, you would have to make moments, or go crazy. Some friends may say it didn’t work…

Why all this reflection after almost 2 years out? The alumni newsletter… I look through it and think, “Is this the school I went to?” I look at the proud alumni and how they love their alma mater. I really couldn’t care. What is the difference between their time there and mine? Did I not use the time there to improve my mind and receive skills to give me more, to give the world more? I think I spent my time very efficiently. So, why don’t I feel “attached” to the experience? I just feel like one of the faceless, nameless, have fallen through the cracks people.

I know my life is better now and I have better jobs, but that isn’t really the question.
The question is, “Why didn’t I feel part of the process?” It makes me wonder if that is how most of my life has been. Just the actions without the attachment to the feelings and moments. I guess that is what reflection does to you.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

wasteful ...just plain wasteful

It is a rant.. I couldn't even write yesterday! I was too pissed and tired to sit still and rant.

They always say one second can change your life. Well, in the full scope of things, this wasn't that dramatic, but it sure messed up my plans for the day.

Ok the "story". I had been in meetings all morning and had to meet up with a friend to work on a website. I needed to do other errands along the way. I should have had some foreshadowing of the afternoon when I forgot to print off some necessary documents at work. I didn't remember until I was half way to my next errand. I should have just packed it in then- head in the clouds.

On the way, I thought, "Oh, I am driving by the University. I should pick up those videos." I debated with myself for a few minutes. Do I feel like it? Don't I feel like it? Well, I decided to stop because they were partly for the friend I was going to see.

So, I veered off and tried to find parking ( I hate this town for that). I pulled into a service vehicle meter parking as close to the commedia center as possible (no parking zone). I figured I would be safe for a few minutes. I got out, notice my back windows were still open, and I needed change from the car. I get back into the car and close the windows, grab the change, and YES lock the doors...thinking that "hey why is the radio playing?" SLAM ....oh shit!!!!

Not too worried I thought, “I have AMA. I will just run in grab the stuff and call from there.” Why not from my cell you ask ??? Well, my cell isn't won't hold a charge.
I get the stuff and call AMA roadside assistance. Ok, they say an hour and a half, but hopefully it won't be that long....hahahaaha
I have to say one good thing (silver lining- still somewhat positive) I was able to visit with some people I knew there. I also made friends with a few more parking people. How long did it take??

I know is in all of your thoughts....
I arrived at 2:30 pm

No not 1.5 hours...

No not 2 hours...

No not even 3 hours...

He arrived at 6:45 PM yes you heard it right...6:45 PM. I could have - I don't know DONE something.
Now granted, it isn't the fault of the guy in the truck, but I hate being told that is another half hour oh sorry another half hour... ahhhhhhhhhhh
I got home at 7:30 and had nothing to show for what should have been a productive afternoon. Well, except for a sunburn on my nose.

It wouldn't have be so bad if I wouldn't have had two extremely important documents to deliver that day. I needed to start the bureaucratic process before the long weekend.
It is teaching me patience! I know it! Well, and maybe to get an extra key stashed on the car, so I don't have to go through this again.

Or maybe even-don't be so bubble headed to lock the keys in the car. MMM I wonder what I was thinking of...

Thanks for listening to the rant, I feel much better now!!!